my life.

I've been dating a guy for 3 years...he's the sweetest thing but I think he's too boring for me. I want more adventure and passion in my life but I don't have the heart to let him go...I'm afraid to let him go cause I'm afraid of being alone again. I know this is probably wrong.

i feel like such a bitch because i lead guys on. i just feel so bad turning them down, but i really dont like them. i hate that i do it :(

I hate feeling so alone everyday.

so today i hanged out with my closest friend who is dating a boy i was starting to like. they kept making out. he was giving her a hickey and doing other stuff while i was there with a pokerface. lololololololoooooooooool

i just shared this with one of my followers and i rarely tell this story so i figure it might help someone else, it helped her. hey just wanted to let you know i know what you're going through. my mother had cancer, it truly was the worst time of my life. the story I’m going to tell you i rarely tell but i think it appropriate. i was 8 years old when she was diagnosed she was in and out of doctors offices, and hospitals constantly. At one point she began bleeding internally uncontrollably and was pronounced legally dead. I was in that very room as the doctors called the time of death, to this day that time is cemented in my heart. One doctor however did not give up hope and to that doctor I am eternally grateful. He used defibrillator paddles to attempt to bring her to life. As I stood there watching my mother’s body rise three inches from the bed I knew she wouldn’t give up on us. By some miracle God answered all of our prayers and brought my mom back. She was able to receive a blood transfusion and continue her life with us. It has been twelve years since that day. And every day I thank God for allowing my mother to still be here with us cancer free. I tell you this story not to scare you or worry you but to show you that my mom and I literally stared at death in face and still kept hope. So I pray that you are able to do so as your grandmother wills and pushes herself through this chemotherapy with you by her side.

This story might seem cliche and sappy but to me it means the world. Sorry i'm not the best writer either.. I met a boy who lived in texas (I live in wi), and we talked practically every day for almost a year. we talked on the phone until we were too tired to talk, and told stories about our past, present and what we hoped for the future. I'd never connected so well with a guy and had so much in common with anyone. i thought he was perfect, and i couldn't believe he adored me. until one day, he just stopped talking to me. unfriended me on facebook. didn't answer my phone calls. i was worried sick. what had i done to deserve this kind of punishment? i told myself it was because i refused to try a long distance relationship or maybe because he had found someone else, someone prettier and funnier. to this day, i have no idea why he stopped talking to me, but every once in a while i tried to contact him. through text or calling..i never got a reply. until tonight. i tried calling him and like all the other times he didn't answer. i sighed and hung up the phone when it reached voicemail. maybe he got a new phone number. i would never get to hear his sweet spanish voice again and there was nothing i could do about it. an hour later i get a text: "Hello?" "Hey" "Who is this? :P Megan?" (<--thats my name) My heart was beating so fast, my mind couldn't keep up and I literally forgot to breath for a minute. He actually txted me and knew who it was. We've been talking this whole night and it's like nothing has changed. I am beyond happy right now, and it's over this one guy who lives 1,500 miles from me. And even after almost exactly a year of not talking he told me: "I've not forgotten about you"

I got really close with this guy, hes sorta my world now. We don't like each other or anything. But I do love him. I almost hurt myself, because the people around me are only capable of making bad decisions. He was the only thing that stopped me. He said-"Don't you do anything, You're amazing, and beautiful. Your perfect all around. You are the only reason I can continue on in life. I love you, don't... I love you." I never once considered leaving after that. And I never will.

I'm afraid of continuing this "best friends with benefits" ordeal, because I feel like i'm falling for him. And I just can't, we're too close. We've only decided to do this because the guy I really like went away for the whole summer. I'm pretty much using my best friend to get me to stop thinking about the "Real Guy."